3 Important Life Lessons I Learned at Age 30 // Faithfully Honest
30!!!!! Where did you go?!
As I turn another year older, I realize the years really do go by the way too fast.
To sum up this past year, I loved being 30.
I loved the sense of freedom I felt walking into a new decade. I loved the changes God brought into my life. I love the people he has solidified into my life. I love how he helped me find my voice and speak up for myself more. I loved 30!
Every year, I like to reflect on the learning lessons God showed me and brought me through. So here are the 3 important life lessons I learned at age 30.
Saying “I don’t know” is an answer
Having grown up with the pressures of needing to know everything, the response “I don’t know” was rarely accepted. A memory I struggle with is being berated in the car during a conversation with a parent and being told that not genuinely knowing an answer was not acceptable. I was told I “should know”, which fueled my codependent nature to live up to others’ toxic expectations. My level of intellect was measured against other children around my age, which left me feeling insecure and stupid. This also translated into me enforcing high unrealistic expectations of perfectionism within myself throughout my childhood, teens, 20s, and if I’m being truly honest, even now as a 31-year-old woman.
What I’ve learned as a 30-year-old is to finally let go of aiming for perfection, but to just try my best. If I don’t know the answer to something, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know”. After years of being told that’s not the answer, I’m coming to find it actually is.
At work, I used to struggle with the idea of not knowing something because that meant I was incapable. Well, at least in my head. I recently adapted the are of saying, “I don't know.”
For example, a few years ago, I’d be freaking out if leadership asked me a question and I couldn’t quickly give an answer. Now, I give myself the space to say “I don’t know” and offer to find a solution at a later time.I am not a robot. As much as I would like to, I don’t know everything. And you know what? THAT’S OKAY.
The people I struggle with sometimes mirror the difficulties I have within myself.
As much as I would love to say I get along with everyone I meet, I don’t. It took me a while to accept that because, in my perfect world, I WANT to get along with every person I come across. However, I struggle.
Sometimes I intentionally avoid certain personalities to protect myself from becoming emotionally drained. But God has a sense of humor. He likes to grow me, shape me, and mold me to be better. This year, he did just that. He placed me in situations to face circumstances where I had to closely interact with people I find difficult. At first, I dreaded this. Then I began to really reflect on my emotions and I questioned, “Why do I feel this way?”
I realized that some of the things that triggered me about specific people were things that I struggled greatly within myself.
For example, I’ve had people push their own insecurities on me. They would point out their own insecurities as topics of conversation and verbally make assumptions that I was thinking badly about them. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable and I had difficulty having a normal conversation with them because I was being accused of something I wasn’t doing.
But what I realized was seeing and hearing them talk badly about themselves was like looking into a mirror. I too struggle with self-defeating thoughts and bouts of insecurity. Instead of being frustrated and angry, realizing this helped me give grace and empathy to others.
NOTE: I know this isn’t a one size fits all solution for all personality types, but this helped me understand people more. If someone is toxic in your life and is doing harm to you, please know that I do not offer this as something to do. I pray you to find the strength to leave that relationship and find healing for you.
3. Ask people if they want advice before offering it.
I’ve been blessed to have some really heartfelt conversations with people that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I love learning about others while understanding some of the struggles they have. As a friend, I offer an ear to listen, a big hug, and some advice...well, sometimes.As a recovering codependent, I realize that sometimes, people genuinely want someone to listen to them and not be offered advice. A great tip I’ve learned in recovery is to ask people if they want advice. I once talked to a good friend about a personal struggle. When I was done explaining, they asked me, “Now, did you want me to just listen, or did you want some advice?” I took a moment, thought about it, and said I wanted their advice.
I look back fondly on our conversation. It set the rest of the conversation up well, where it made me feel empowered to make the choice to either just have my friend listen or have her give her input, especially after expressing a grievance where my emotions felt out of control. Being able to choose what I wanted my friend to do with the information I gave her was helpful for me.
I since then have carried out this same act, giving others the choice to tell me what they need from me. As a person listening to someone, I then understand what my role is and how I can be supportive to others in the best way that’s comfortable for them.
Onward to 31!
XO