3 Important Life Lessons I Learned at Age 29 // Faithfully Honest
I’m 30 years old! Yahoo, I made it! Haha!
Have you ever seen the movie 13 Going on 30? I’m not much a RomCom fan, but that movie…I just love it! I remember when it came out and I was actually 13 years old, wondering what my life would be like when I was 30. When I tried to envision my life at that age, it was pretty blurry. I wasn’t 100% sure what my future would look like, but I hoped I would at least be in a better and happier state in life.
I look back at this last year of being 29 years old and can’t help but feel like not only nostalgic of my younger days, but also wishful that I had more time. I wish I still could have done more. Yes, I know I’m only turning 30. It’s still young, there’s still time, and I think I’ve accomplished enough growth to be proud of myself, but the feeling lingers.
As I walk into my 30s at 2:30pm today (that’s when I was born!), I will give myself some grace. Yes, I may not have done everything I’ve wanted to do in my 20’s but I need to focus on the things I have done:
At 20 years old, I reignited my relationship with the Lord
At 22 years old, I met the love of my life and at 27 years old, we got married (something I didn’t ever thing would happen).
At 23 years old, I started DizzySpangle.com and it’s still up and running! Haha.
At 24 years old, I graduated college with a BA in Fashion Retail Management.
At 26 years old, I embarked on a journey to deal with all the emotional junk in my life and continuously went through 2 Celebrate Recovery Step Study programs and even got to co-lead the second one.
At 27 years old I got baptized with my husband.
At 29 years old, I wrote my 1st ever e-book, something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a teen.
They say writing out a gratitude list helps shift your mindset. Appreciation ignites joy. This list above is my joy. How silly for me to focus on the things I haven’t done when there was so much that went right in my 20s. I also realize I put too much emphasis on success, on doing things to attain achievement. The list above is not bad by any means, but I need to consider this…
All throughout my 20s, I was told that I needed to hustle and work hard and that the 20s decade was really the time to make my dreams come true. But the reality is, I’m still here and hopefully I’ll still be here for a while longer. Today, I still have that time. I can still do the things I have my heart set on as they should not be defined by what age I am doing them. I can work towards these goals one day at a time.
Last night, on my final night as a 29-year-old, I made a pact with myself. I told myself that in my 30s, I won’t hold myself back. I will do more things I wanted, I will chase after my dreams at full force, I will love people harder, I will work on my recovery stronger, I will fight the spiritual battle with all my might…I will do more. But I also promised myself, that I will be more graceful with myself in the process. I will allow myself to rest, I will take care of my body more, I will eat the right things, I will sleep well, I will find more moments to laugh more, and I will give myself more days to just relax with loved ones. This harmony is how I want to live my 30s and I will.
Ultimately, I decided to be excited about my 30s. It will be a decade filled with new adventures that will have me fall even more in love with life and what God has in store for me. But before I walk into this new year, I want to reflect one last time on my 20’s.
Here are the 3 important life lessons I learned at 29…
1. The only person holding you back is…well, you!
I’ve lived in a place of timidness for most of my 20s due to the emotional and mental abuse I endured as a child & teen. As a young adult, I couldn’t get myself out of that mindset for a long while and developed a strong case of self-defeating thoughts. When I overcame suicidal thoughts at age 28, I realized how much unlearning I had to do. Unlearning self-defeat is no easy feat.
However, after three years in recovery at 29, I learned to step out of my own way and the view was so much clearer. Once I did that, it was as if all this powerful electricity God had been trying to transfer finally hit me.
The light bulb was finally lit.
I realized how much I catered to the inner fear that prohibited me from walking into my purpose. The more I fed it, the more insecure I felt. By stepping out of my own way, and allowing God to actually handle this portion of my recovery, I figured out that I had to change a couple of my habits that were causing me to falter.
Instead of looking at my emails, my to-do list, and my social media feed first thing in the morning, I replaced this with reading the Bible first thing in the morning. This one simple act set the tone for the rest of my day. I made sure to read positive devotionals that talked about overcoming timidness and stepping into confidence. When I didn’t start my day off this way, I put more focus on doing things so that I could feel accomplished or wishfully thinking my life looked like someone else’s. It would leave me exhausted and feeling empty. Staying rooted in God’s word at the beginning of every day was the core of me overcoming the false vision I had of myself.
I also made sure to not isolate and stay connected to a healthy community of people I trust. Maybe for you, this could be a core group of friends or trusted family members you have where you encourage one another during the hard times. For me, my recovery ministry is made up of friends who have turned into family. They are the people that know my junk. So whenever that junk I would carry around started to affect my day-to-day, I would take it to the Lord and leave it there. I would then reach out to someone from recovery to help remind me of God’s truth. Before incorporating this into my life, I would isolate, thinking I could handle all the junk on my own. I thought no one understood me or would ever understand me. It was a lonely road. But to have this community and support means the world and makes me a better person.
I had to move, I had to make changes, I had to get out of my own way. Now, I actually see myself; it’s weird and relieving all at the same time. I see who God made me to be, and I think I look pretty good! I still have rough days where I trip on myself, but they are less and less these days. When I start to pick myself apart in the mirror or kick myself for not doing one thing perfectly, I have to take a time out, recenter, and focus back. And that’s okay! Like a good friend of mine says, “Progress, not perfection”. And boy, am I progressing!
2. People will sometimes view you based on their own hurts.
Oooo, this one. This is a tough one. As a recovering codependent, I have to consistently remind myself that the way people treat me has nothing to do with me.
Let me repeat that: The way someone treats you has nothing to do with you.
Isn’t that wild?! Well, at least for me, I thought it was. I grew up thinking that when someone was angry that it was still about something I may have done, even if I didn’t do anything to cause it. This was due to the emotional abuse present in my life growing up. After learning this new tip, it was as if a whole new part of my brain opened up.
I am solely responsible for myself and my actions, not anyone else’s. The same goes for you. You are solely responsible for your actions, not anyone else’s.
So with learning this new tidbit, I also realize that I could do everything right and say all the right things in a relationship and still get hurt.
For example, I realized this year that I had been holding on to a hurt from a friendship I had years and years ago. It boggled my mind that I was still holding on to the anger from that relationship. When I opened up to my sponsor about it, she showed me that hurt is a vicious circle. Ever hear the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people?”
I realized my friend had hurt me because they experienced hurt from someone else, essentially making a domino effect. I just so happen to be collateral damage. Hurt can be dangerous if we don’t tend to it.
This year, I learned even more about this life lesson. Heck, I even learned I do this to other people. My insecurity can creep out on someone because of past unresolved hurt, not because of something that person did. The same with others projecting their hurt on me. I learned to offer grace this year, realizing that we are all walking around with brokenness. But the great thing is, God can do great things with that brokenness, for “when I am weak, I am made strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). And God definitely has helped me and made me strong from it all!
3. Don’t worry, the Lord has it all covered.
This year was a doozy, to say the least. A unique year with unique trials brought unique solutions.
I can say with a grateful heart that G and I were not as impacted by the pandemic as badly as I thought we would be. However, there were a few instances where I was worried, uncertain and a bit anxiety-ridden.
Like most, the company I worked for had a mass lay-off, where most of the employees of the company were let go. I was one of the remaining employees left. Although thankful to have a job, I wondered what would happen if a time came and our business didn’t pick back up enough to where the company would have to let me go. This fear crept in due to my lack of faith and I knew that’s what it really was. So I handed it off to the Lord and he has graciously taken care of me throughout this time. I am still working that same job today.
Later on in the year, my husband had to quit his job due to his mental health, and also because he was juggling going to school at the same time. I was proud of him for realizing his needs, especially in the middle of a pandemic, but our finances were a slight worry. After doing some calculations, G found that we could make our savings last. So we took a leap of faith. I remembered how God has said in the Bible to test him in finances and he will always provide. So we did just that. I remember this sense of peace coming over me. It was in that moment I knew we’d be alright and I can humbly report that God has been favorable to G and I since that day.
Lastly, there was an instance where there was a slight possibility that G could have had the virus. We ordered an online test, received it, had G take the test, and then had to wait a few days until getting back the results. While waiting for the results, it seemed G’s symptoms were slowly getting worse. I had faith that we would be okay, but not knowing for sure, my faith wavered. And just in the nick of time, God showed up. G received his results and the test came out negative.
Our faith has been tested this year over and over again. And although mine has wavered, God has been constant. He has stood by us, protected us, and provided for us in ways I am forever thankful for.
Worrying belittles God’s ability to work in the situation, but when I put my full faith in the Lord, he does work greater than I could have imagined. I am humbled by his love and mercy, and I trust with full faith that the Lord will continue to guide & protects us as we live on the rest of 2020.
Xo